Aliens
Warning: This is basically a journal entry...I just need to spill my heart.
Last night I went to the "Glory Revealed" tour/show... Mac Powell of Third Day, Shane & Shane, Brian Littrel (former Back St Boy, who knew?!), Candi Pearson Shelton...David Nasser as speaker...in a beautiful chruch (Grace Baptist in Karns)... It was great. It was full of all good things...scripture, praise, lots of God. But as I sat there, I kept finding myself in tears. I kept looking around wondering what I was doing there. I felt so out of place...sitting next to my BF that I don't feel like I even know anymore, listening to music that was so beautifully written and performed, looking at all the cameras, lights, stage props...wondering if I'll ever feel like I fit again. I don't know how to explain it. When will I stop comparing everything to Africa? When will it feel like this is home...where I belong? When will I not feel guilty about sitting in a cushioned pew in an air-conditioned building? There is NOTHING wrong with those things. So why do I feel so wrong sitting there?
Here's where God led me in His Word this a.m....
Hebrews 11: 13b-16
And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.
The longer I'm in Knoxville, the more I can't see myself back in the schools in the fall. But KY isn't the answer either. So where? Spain? I would love to go there. There is a job there working with North Africans. I talked to someone about it months ago, but put it out of my mind. Now, I got a call this week that makes me think...maybe. Or would I just be in the lap of luxury there too? Am I destined to return to the world of the grossly impoverished? Where o, where is my next home?
Several people have emailed lately wanting to know how to pray for me...does this give you an idea? I feel lost...homeless...restless. Now what?
posted by Christy @ 9:08 AM
3 Comments:
Praise Him that you are uncomfortable and can identify with Paul. We as the American Church are too comfortable and therefore ineffective, prayerless and in need of a mighty move of God. I'll be praying with you.
love your heart...Tish
I don't think you will ever stop comparing things to Africa, Christy. It may decrease with time but I don't think it will or should ever stop completely. That was a huge part of your life. I don't feel like I fit in either and I'm surrounded by 'missions minded people'. None of my friends are near me and I struggle to make new ones cause I feel like people already have their own life and I don't fit into it. Sorry it's been such a hard transition for you. I know God's going to reveal His plans to you. I will be praying for you.
My wonderful daughter, Gods plan in you life will be revealed in HIS time. I am praying that God reveals it to you soon and that you are always in the center of his will for your life. This reminds me of a song that was sang in May's Lick church "This world is not my home, I am only passing through".
All my love and prayers to you.
Your Mother -
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